Nurturing Your Child's Emotions

Emotions are a big part of life!  Problem is they are kind of tricky for kids. This is why they need you to be their coach! We often teach our kids rules and what is right or wrong, but sometimes big emotions derail their best intentions. Not only this big emotions unmanaged can get in the way of other important development.
According to Dr. John Gottman, a child's cognitive development is connected to emotional well-being. "The way a child connects to their parent emotionally can skyrocket their intelligence if the emotional security is there." So this is important stuff! Every child needs to be LISTENED to, VALIDATED, and RESPECTED.

Dr. Gottman gave 5 steps to help you coach your child through emotions. They are:
1. NOTICE your child's emotions
2. Help them to feel UNDERSTOOD
3. Help them LABEL what they feel. (They don't have the word bank to do this.)
4. UNDERSTAND them.
5. Limit behaviors if needed.

Relationships and emotional connection are the foundation for learning. It is critical to give respect when we are under stress. In this way we build a secure relationship that will ensure connectivity with our child so they can develop healthy habits and relationships.

Watch the following video to see an introduction on this critical principle.

Note: Gottman, John. (2014, May 17). Emotion Coaching: The Heart of Parenting - The Gottman Institute. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/v0vj9Z4kpEk

Understanding How Your Child Works

Going on a trip without a map, compass, or some sort of basic directions is sure to bring some frustration. Likewise, heading into parenting without arming yourself with some basic knowledge about general development, stages, and milestones you will encounter with your child would be discouraging.

Taking them time to educate yourself is one of the greatest gift you can give your child. They change not only on the outside as they grow, but also on the inside. Psychological development is predictable according to Laurence Stienberg, PhD. You can anticipate what you are heading into and thus be prepared!

You cannot avoid development, so get prepared so you can enjoy the journey. Be deliberate in your parenting but flexible enough to stay in pace with your child's individual development.

And most of all, remember while basic parenting principles apply to all children, it is up to you to adapt them to your child's age, personality, interests, and circumstances. Do this by discovering each of your children for the individual they are. You may worry how your children will react if things are not the same for each one. Children care more about fairness than about absolute equality, so help them understand as you make adjustments. They will respect you for sharing with them, and this will strengthen their own ability to adapt to situations as they mature. Most importantly when things go unexpectedly, keep on your toes by granting each situation surprise and curiosity rather than fear and disappointment, by doing this you can enjoy the amazing adventure that parenting truly is.

The following links are helpful resources to understand more about how your child works:

Children Age 1-3: https://pathways.org/growth-development/toddler/

Birth to Age 5: www.http://helpmegrowmn.org/HMG/index.htm

Mental Development: https://developingchild.harvard.edu

12-15: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/adolescence.html

15-17: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/adolescence2.html