First Things First

The Parenting Pyramid by Arbinger Company is an invaluable source of evaluation that is critical to us as parents.  If we are not taking inventory of situations and reactions we can be causing harm without ever realizing it. 

Wallace, Chris and Debbie (2002, May 2). Are You An Imperfect Parent? And why it might be good if you are..., Retrieved: http://ws.arbinger.com/wp-content//uploads/2013/08/April2012Newsletter.pdf

The foundational principle of the pyramid is the Personal Way of Being. This means the way we care for our self, use our time, our attitudes, our beliefs, our reactions. These all MATTER. These things all matter and affect all our relationships. Especially our ability to parent our children in positive ways.

Number two on the pyramid is Parents Relationship. We often think of this relationship separate from our parenting. No one can completely compartmentalize their worlds. Kids are perceptive and see and feel the affects of your relationship. "The marital relationship is the central relationship in the family; in significant ways it colors all others." It has been said to father's "the most important thing you will ever do for your children is to love their mother."

It may surprise you that number three on the Parenting Pyramid is the first mention of Children. This layer is the Parent/Child Relationship.  We must consistently be working to stabilize our self then with others, including our children. If we do not cultivate a loving and supportive relationship with our children we will never be able to teach them in the ways they need to be.

Number Four is when the Teaching begins only after we have established ourselves and stabilized our relationships are we in a prime position to be able to teach. Children listen to those who they feel respected by. 

The tip of the Parenting Pyramid is Correction, it is small and comes last because without the other 4 foundational steps all we have is discipline that will be control based and fear induced. Too often parents begin with correction then work backwards, they then think since they have controlled the problem they can teach then work on their relationship with their children. This backwards approach will not produce well adjusted children.